On today's blog post, I will be interviewing a dragon named Zoth-Avarex, who is a character in my upcoming book The Conjuring of Zoth-Avarex: The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Dragon in the Multiverse, and, unfortunately for me, is also real and wants me dead.
KRRL- Thank you for agreeing to this interview. Does this mean the hard feelings are gone?
Zoth-Avarex- Absolutely not! You're insertion of the words self-proclaimed in the title of your shitty book is a mockery of my greatness. I can't and won't forgive you for that, and I will have my revenge as soon as I can get back to your pathetic planet.
KRRL- So...how do you feel about my book detailing your first trip to our Earth coming out on April 1st?
Zoth-Avarex- I'm torn. On one claw, I'm always glad to have myself talked about. But on the other claw, I'd have much rather had Stephen King or someone like that write it. Because you're a hack.
KRRL- Fair enough.
Zoth-Avarex- I mean, who do you think you are with this "humorous" fantasy stuff, Terry Pratchett or something?
KRRL- Oh Gods no! Although that's definitely something to shoot for, I could never be like him. Damn-near every other line of his prolific writings have a zinger or some profound meaning reached through humor. It's really quite impressive.
Zoth-Avarex- I'm impressive.
KRRL- We'll, yes, that's true. I--
Zoth-Avarex- I'm feeling a bit on the merciful side this morning. I think I'll let you pick how you die. How would you like to go out, when I finally get around to killing you?
KRRL- I couldn't think of a better way to go than to be engulfed by dragon fire. It seems like it would be pretty quick. It would be nice to have it done in public, though. Maybe being the first person from Earth killed by a dragon would posthumously boost the sales of my book.
Zoth-Avarex- Gods, I hate you.
KRRL- Could you possibly explain to readers how the events of my book actually took place on an alternate version of Earth, and how those events seeped into my mind "across-Realms?" It's an interesting concept that I still don't fully understand.
Zoth-Avarex- Fuck you.
KRRL- ...Okay, then. I guess I'd like to thank Zoth-Avarex for his time. That interview didn't exactly go how I had planned, but at least I'm still alive.
If you would like to read about that asshole dragon, click here