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A Dragon Ranks Fantasy Books

Check out this list of the top 10 Fantasy books (or series) from Earth as ranked by me, a damn near all-powerful dragon! And don't get all bent out of shape about perceived omissions. This is coming from the only perspective that matters: mine.


#10

Dragonflight

by Anne McCaffrey



I know this could also be considered as sci-fi, so don't bother telling me. This book, published in 1968, launched the very successful Dragonriders of Pern series. Anne McCaffrey went on to become the first woman to win the Hugo Award for fiction AND the Nebula Award.


My biggest gripe with these books is the concept of Impression. I mean, what self-respecting dragon, on any planet, would ever let a human ride it? Sure as hell not me!







#9

The Wheel of Time Series

by Robert Jordan



Starting with The Eye of the World in 1990, the Wheel of Time series is widely thought of as one of the best fantasy series of all time.


I wouldn't know if it has earned that praise or not as I haven't read it. For one, there are no dragons in it. Also it's very, very long. I'm too busy trying to build my hoard at the moment. But maybe someday, when I have time, I'll get around to reading it.











#8

The Lies of Locke Lamora

by Scott Lynch



This book, published in 2006, is the first in the fantastic Gentleman Bastards series. This book is like taking Oliver Twist, Ocean's 11, and A Song of Ice and Fire, and mixing them up into a really fun read.


On the downside, there is also a serious lack of dragons. But as far as a dragonless book can be good, this one is.














#7

The Dark Tower Series

by Stephen King



Starting in 1982 with The Gunslinger, and ending in 2004 with The (titular) Dark Tower, this series is a tour de force, and a fresh take on the fantasy genre.


This series gives readers a peek at how the multiverse truly exists, something you humans are woefully ignorant about.


Again, there are no gods-damned dragons, though. And although this series was good, I'm not sure this Stephen King guy is going to make it very long as a writer.















#6

A Song of Ice and Fire

by George R. R. Martin



Finally! Back to books with dragons!


A Game of Thrones, published in 1996, was the start of a truly epic fantasy series. A series so epic that it may never be finished!


This series, and the subsequent show on HBO, put dragons at the forefront of Earth's zeitgeist, so I have to give it its due.


The dragons in it, although powerful, are morons, though. They can't speak OR do magic! But, in their defense, they do have an extremely hot "Princess" by their sides.











#5

The Harry Potter Series

by J.K. Rowling



At over 500 million copies, this is only the best selling book series in the history of your Earth. Starting with Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone in 1997, this series spanned seven books over a period of 10 years.


The dragons in it are also morons. From the Hungarian Horntail in Goblet of Fire, to the pathetic wretch of a captured dragon in The Deathly Hallows, they don't represent dragon-kind very well. And by the way, if I ever make it to Gringotts, I'm going to A) take all that sweet, sweet treasure, and B) burn the fucking place to the ground. No one gets away with treating one of my kind like that!







#4

The Kingkiller Chronicle

by Patrick Rothfuss



With the first book, The Name of the Wind, published in 2007, The Kingkiller Chronicle began. Like a Song of Ice and Fire, fans are still waiting to read how this story ends. Probably the single biggest reason I haven't yet destroyed Earth and taken all your treasure is because I'm waiting for The Doors of Stone to come out.


"Dragons" in this series are a total let down, though. The Common Draccus hardly rates as a real dragon at all. It truly is more of a cow than a dragon. And I don't want to hear anything about their mating habits.









#3

The Hobbit

by J.R.R. Tolkien



This novel more or less started the fantasy genre on Earth. Published in 1937, this book was the prequel to the immensely popular Lord of the Rings series.


Now, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Smaug, that smug asshole, who appears in this story. Like him or not, he is my main motivation in life right now. When I read the following article https://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelnoer/2012/04/23/how-much-is-a-dragon-worth-revisited/?sh=2fe562dff550 I knew right then and there that I had to beat that fucker. I will not rest until I have a bigger hoard than him!!!






#2

Guards! Guards!

by Terry Pratchett



Published in 1989, Guards! Guards! is the eighth book in the outstanding Discworld series. Everything that Terry Pratchett wrote was hilarious and great, but this one holds a special place in my heart.


For one thing, one of the main characters is a dragon. I would say what the dragon does, but I don't want to spoil it for any would-be readers.


On another note, the hack author who wrote a book with me in it was mainly inspired by this very story. But we'll hear about that hack soon enough...








#1 The Conjuring of Zoth-Avarex: The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Dragon in the Multiverse

by K.R.R. Lockhaven


I know, I know. This is a fucking shameless ploy, but I'm one of the main characters in this book, so it has to be #1. To tell you the truth, the author who wrote it is a total hack. I plan on destroying him as soon as I can get my claws on him for putting self-proclaimed in the title. Fuck him.


That's me looking all sexy on the cover, and yes, that's a taco truck on top of the Space Needle.


Anyway, the parts with me in it are actually not too bad. If you'd like to check it out, click here


Shameless plug over.