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A Dragon Ranks Potential "Princesses"

We dragons have an affliction. We have an ingrained, uncontrollable desire to have a beautiful humanoid woman at our sides. Some of us (the more perverted [see Vermithrax Pejorative]) prefer virgin sacrifices at regular intervals. I, being more refined, just like having a pretty lady around as I amass my hoard. It definitely helps if they have royal blood, or are an actual princess, but that isn't completely necessary. The following is a list of the top pretty ladies in the multiverse.

#11 Amy Pond- Dr. Who

Amy Pond with the TARDIS

Amelia Jessica "Amy" Pond was a companion of the Eleventh Doctor.

I would love to have her as my "princess" for many reasons. One, she is gorgeous. Two, that accent! Three, I love a woman who is adventurous, reckless, and stubborn. I also love a nice dry wit.

On another note, she reminds me of Nebula from Guardians of the Galaxy for some reason. And that is a huge plus in my book.

Forget the Doctor. Amy Pond should be my companion!

#10- FKA twigs

FKA twigs is an English singer/songwriter, dancer, and actress. She is extremely talented and absolutely unafraid to be herself.

Also, check out the video for "cellophane." I think I might need to have a pole installed in my cave!

#9 Max- Black Sails

Through cunning, seduction, and an impeccable business acumen, Max raised herself from slavery in French Hispaniola, to a prostitute, to one of the most formidable people in Nassau.

Her accent is just to-die-for, and her beauty is second to none. I worry a little that she just might be able to outfox me. I mean, she's a human, so that's highly unlikely. But there is a chance I would get lulled into a false sense of security listening to her talk.

#8 Princess Leia- Star Wars

The first actual royalty on the list! Leia Organa is the princess of an entire planet! She is a force-sensitive woman who became a member of the Imperial Senate and an agent of the Rebel Alliance. She is feisty, smart, and brave. And gods-damn can she rock a metal bikini!

#7 Young Dora- Tale of Tales

I'm not sure I really need to say anything about this one. As you can see above, she is gorgeous. And sure, she only looks like this after suckling from a witch's tit (not in a snowstorm), but I'm confident I can keep that magic going, keeping her looking like this for as long as she's willing to be by my side. As an added bonus, she too is royalty.

#6 Arwen Undómiel- The Lord of the Rings

Also known as Evenstar, Arwen Undómiel is the half-elven Lady of Rivendell. She too is royal, becoming Queen of the Reunited Kingdom after the War of the Ring. I don't want to sound creepy or anything, but I kinda have a thing for half-elves. Her immortality is a plus, too, as I often get tired of replacing old "princesses" every 10-20 years.

#5 Meghan Markle- The Duchess of Sussex

Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, is a multiverse-class beauty. She is also a talented actor, activist, and philanthropist. And although she recently stepped down from her role as a senior member of the British Royal Family, she's still royalty in my book.

IMHO, she should leave Prince Harry and come stay with me.

#4 Dana- Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet

Who doesn't love a cute gamer girl? Dana, a video game tester for Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet, is cuteness personified. If she would come stay in my lair, I would set her up with all the best gaming equipment and any game she could ever want. I could sit and watch her play for all eternity.

#3 Nova- Planet of the Apes

Nova is a mute woman from one of the versions of your Earth; one in which humanity has destroyed itself (spoiler alert, you do this to yourselves in literally every reality, eventually). As the above picture shows, she is among the hottest beings on any planet in the vast multiverse.

#2 Elizabeth Swan- Pirates of the Caribbean

The daughter of Governor Weatherby Swann, Elizabeth grew to have an insatiable adventurous spirit. Long fascinated with the world of pirates, she eventually became one. She even rose to the position of Pirate King, the elected leader of the Brethren Court!

There is something about the pirate life that really draws me to it. Probably the treasure, I guess. But I do love a woman in a tricorn hat!

#1 Daenerys Targaryen- A Song of Ice and Fire

Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains; Dany Targaryen is one accomplished woman! She has got a lot going for her in my book. She is ambitious as hell. She's immune to fire, so no messy mistakes like I've made in centuries past with my "princesses." Her blood is about as royal as it gets. And, of course, she is next-level beautiful.

It makes me uncomfortable to call her Mother of Dragons, though. I'd much prefer Companion of Dragons, or Counterpart of Dragons.

I usually have a strict no-riding policy, but I may be able to make an exception for her.

BONUS: Princess Daphne- Dragon's Lair

Every time I watch the above video I'm a bit jealous of the dragon, Singe, even though that punk, Dirk the Daring eventually bests him. I would absolutely love to be Princess Daphne's second dragon companion. She's got a real Jessica Rabbit vibe, only hotter. I would provide her with anything she could ever want or need. And if Dirk Diggler wanted to come test me, he would soon wish he fucking hadn't.

BONUS #2: Silvia Flores- The Conjuring of Zoth-Avarex

(Shameless Plug Alert)

If you didn't already know, I, the mighty Zoth-Avarex, have made an appearance in one of your Earth books. Some hack author wrote me into his novel, The Conjuring of Zoth-Avarex: The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Dragon in the Multiverse. And although I strongly believe that self-proclaimed should be removed from the title, I'm still willing to promote the book, I guess.

Anyway, my "princess" in the book is a wonderful woman named Silvia Flores. She's a magician who works at a secret government facility called The Site. Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of her, but if the hack author's book ever becomes a movie (doubtful), I think they should cast Maria-Elena Laas as my dear Silvia.

Well, that's my list. If any beautiful humanoid women are interested in being at my side as I dominate your Earth, hit me up in the comments, or slide into my DMs on Twitter, @AvarexZoth

If you'd like to read about me and Silvia, click the book cover below:


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